15 Things You Should Know Before You Date A Girl Who Blogs - Debunked

Posted On: 25/01/2016

By: Scouse Bird

Cosmo recently published a patronising article: '15 things you should know before you date a girl who blogs' post. 

I'm sure many 'girls who blog' will have been annoyed by the post but I just rolled my eyes and thought "There goes Cosmo being a twat again." Then I woke up this morning fuming at everything and Cosmo has ended up in my crosshairs.

15 Things You Should Know Before You Date A Girl Who Blogs - Debunked

1.    We won't let you read our work. But we want to know that you want to read our work. We're craving that more than all the likes.

Wrong – I bounce my ideas off my fella and get him to proof read it. I listen to his criticism but I’m certainly not craving his approval. I’m confident enough in my writing ability to put it out there to hundreds of thousands of people without the validation of someone I’m romantically involved with thanks.

2.   We love to text long. Come on, words are our thing. Everyone enjoys an essay reply at 8am, right?

Wrong. I spend so much time on my phone and writing that at the end of the day I just want to lash it across the room and never look at it again. You’re lucky to get a reply, let alone an ‘essay’

3.   We'll say we have deadlines to get out of stuff. But the truth is we've run out of clean floor space for framing our Instagrams, haven't had time to tackle the dishes for the past week, and a night in washing out our dry shampoo just sounds like heaven.

If you’re a successful blogger then you probably will have deadlines to hit. It’s very rare that I’m not swamped under a mountain of e-mails and pending articles to write or edit. Plus not every blogger has one of those weird instagrams where everything has a white background. Everyone I know, no matter what job they do, has felt they don’t have time to do the dishes or wash their hair at some point - not when there’s more important things to do like Making a Murderer marathons.

4.   If we get free tickets to something cool, we'll probably try turning it into a date. Yes we're trying desperately hard to impress you, but hey, we're still chill… This ain't no t'ing.

Surely that’s the point of a plus one? It's got nothing to do with trying to impress anyone and if I'm dating someone and have to play games and pretend that I'm not dating them and I'm "chill and ting" then they can kiss my hoop and fuck right off.

5.   We'll act annoyed when you do finally read our work. But then spend the entire next day trying to casually bring it up…

No. Just no. See point one.

6.   Coffee. Just coffee

Yes everyone likes coffee. Apart from people who don’t. Nothing to do with blogging.

7.   We know loads of other bloggers… And yes, we like to think we're better writers than the lot of them, but don't ever diss her post. We might only talk to her on Twitter, but we've got that girl's back!

I know OF other bloggers sure but being balls deep in the ‘blogosphere’ is not a requirement. I do my own thing.

8.   You'll get a lot of free booze. There's always a launch party, networking event or bloggers gathering that we'll need a plus one for. And yes, there's always free prosecco at these things. Draught beer might be tough though... sorry.

You don’t get ‘a lot’ of free booze. Yes there’s always one launch or another but you’ll soon come to realise that (in Liverpool at least) it’s the exact same people at the exact same type of party and it loses its novelty pretty quickly. You’ll maybe get a glass of prosecco and for that you’re expected to put in a couple of hours work writing an article or review, editing it, uploading it and promoting it. There’s no such thing as a free lunch sweety. There’s also a culture of not paying writers (even moreso in the blogging world), so while the average person might go into work on a Sunday and get time and a half or whatever, people generally expect writers to work for free – and let me tell you it takes a lot of brainpower to be creative.

9.   We don't want to hear about that amazing post you read the other day. But yes, we want you to WhatsApp us the link, so we can read up on our competition. Quickly!

Mate if you’ve read something good, tell me. I’m not arsed.

10. Our mobile's battery life is directly connected to our mood. No we're not scrolling Twitter and Instagram for fun, this is research! Don't expect us to move more than three feet from a plug socket if we're dipping below that crucial 20% mark.

This applies to anyone with an iphone.

11. If we're still together on you're [sic] birthday, we'll be writing a post on that aftershave, you just happen to love. Because you know, we live off freebies.

Again there’s no such thing as a freebie. I wish people would get this. A ‘freebie’ can turn into hours of work AKA not free. Also a ‘freebie’ is only worthwhile if it’s something you actually want – I once got sent a few bits of rolled up hay in a box (supposedly good for lighting campfires but honestly, it was fucking hay) and got hounded for a year for a review. Love come and collect it, it’s HAY! Plus I would never get someone a ‘freebie’ for their birthday because I’m not a biff.

12.Yes we spent the entire day in our pyjamas covered in biscuit crumbs. Because we can't all afford to constantly work in that artisan coffee shop round the corner.

I have an office personally as I get fuck all done at home – website jobs end up getting postponed to put on a dark wash or tidy the living room.

13.We probably had or still use a pseudo, and yes, we think its genius! Like the time we used Jean Jacket to launch our fashion blog. Sue Flay to prove we were a dedicated foodie and Jamie Dodger, well, just for the LOLs Yes, you're correct to be giggling. Thank you.

I blog under Sassy Bird but I don’t change it depending on what I’m writing. That’s just how my blog started. What you have suggested is very weird and cringey.

14.We're generally pretty confident. Independence and self-belief are our thing.

I am like but there may be some bloggers who aren’t confident and they’re writing as form of therapy.

15.We've probably considered dating that Twitter fan you feel weird about. But don't worry, after he retweeted that awkward blog post about the date, we also feel weird about him.

When I was single I was very wary about dating anyone who was into ‘Sassy Bird’ over ‘me’ – if I got a sniff that they were interested in me because I ran SB then it was hell no h2o.

So fuck off, bloggers have enough of a reputation as scavengers who'll do anything for a free handcream without you fuelling the myth. You nerrrr nothing Cos-maw. Go and give your head a wobble and have a totes amazeballs meeting about how the fuck you're gonna sort your content out.

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