12 Reasons Why We Need A Best Friend
Posted On: 12/10/2016
By: Perfectly Common
I have 10 "BEST" friends. All girls have more than one. They're all best at different things. From school, fellow married/single, kids the same age, on the same intellectual wavelength (cause most of my BFFs are as thick as shit.), and I think the majority of us have the one who knows too much shit, so you can never not be their friend anymore, just in case *no names*. Without my best friends making me look normal, I'd only be allowed out under the supervision of a qualified mental health worker, so a big shout out to them all for being massive cranks. Here are the other reasons we all need our bezzie's in our lives.
1. To sniff your armpits. Sometimes you think you smell. Is it deodorant or B.O? Best get a second opinion.
2. To talk you out of walking out of the house and never returning. When the kids are battering the living shite out of each other, their dad's looking straight past them watching Storage Hunters, you're dishing up tea, ironing, hanging a load of washing out, hunting high and low for Barbie’s favourite shoes, doing homework because no one else will and you can't stand the look from the teacher again, and making sure the broom shoved up your arse doesn't cause too much discomfort, you ring one of the best mates and howl "My kids are bastards". They'll tell you a worse tale of what's going on in their house, and everything is ok in your world again.
3. To hold you up. Literally. When you're bladdered down Mathew Street on a Saturday (so bad, the fella from the Echo refuses to take your photo for the Facebook page), and your shoes are too high. Ta, Girls.
4. To send disgusting selfies to. When you look so vile, you need someone to witness it. It's honestly not normal to go from a 9 to a 2 in less than 12 hours, is it?!
5. To tell you the bloke you're snogging the face off 15 vodkas later really looks like a homeless version of your granddad. Then you'll go and get chips and gravy and have a cuddle in the taxi home. Maybe a little cry about what a pair of twats you are.
6. To make up names for people you don't know but see all the time. My personal favourites are Ginge and Flash. He's ginger, she's flash. Hate them. Pair of cocks.
7. To fully understand how when you have a deep and meaningful conversation about your boyfriend, you're actually talking about a) someone who has no idea you exist or b) someone who dumped you last year. Little does he know.
8. To have specific Whatsapp group chats for the sole purpose of sending screenshots from Facebook of people who aggravate the fuck out of you.
9. To give you Candy Crush lives and not judge you.
10. To love you even though your fanny is really hairy. A man won't do that. Gobshite.
11. To tell all your secrets to. Cause if you tell your fella you fancy the window cleaner, he might sack him and get an ugly one.
12. To be a bitch to. When you're due on and need to be nasty for no reason other than you're half pure evil 1 week a month, your best friends will be perfectly fine with you calling them and telling them they're fat, ugly slags who'll do anything for a pound coin.