20 reasons why summer is shit anyway

Posted On: 26/10/2016

By: Scouse Bird

Summer is heralded as this magical time when everything is literally all sunshine and rainbows. Well it's fucking not. I'm not a summer basher, I'm not one of those freaks who enjoys freezing their bits off in winter or anything, summer is still my favourite season but sometimes I am left wondering why. Yes hair gets lighter, skin gets darker, water gets warmer, drinks get colder, music gets louder & nights get longer but does life really get better? 

20 reasons why summer is shit

1. Sweaty muzzy (moustache) - it's always the first place to get a sweat on and thus the beginning of watching your perfectly applied make up slide right off you face. Fucks sake.

2. Revealing clothes - You've been hiding the Christmas flab that you're still carrying round (even though it's July) under baggy clothes and now suddenly everything has to be short and tight and there's nowhere to hide.

3. Maxi dresses - Great for hiding a set of legs when you can't be arsed shaving but has anyone ever sucessfully climbed the stairs without tripping over their dress? No. Never.

4. Shaving - You have to shave a lot more often only to have the hairs grow back after 30 seconds. It's SO MUCH WORK!

5. Rain - This is England, no matter the season it's always raining, the only difference in summer is that it's also unbearably hot and humid.

6. Washing - Because of said rain you never know whether or not to hang the washing out before work. At least in winter you know where you stand with the dryer and the maidens.

7. Work - It's even shitter than usual. The last thing you want to do on a sunny day is be stuck in a call centre listening to Maureen from Doncaster whinging about her gas prices. It's summer love, who's assed about gas?

8. Sand - You finally get to the beach and there's sand everywhere. Your food, your drink, your toes, your teeth, your hair AND in your sweaty bum crack.

9. Chubby rub - Girls with thigh gaps (so like 0.2% of the world population) won't know the struggle but sweaty thighs equal chafing, rashes and pain. As if it's not hard enough being a fatty in the summer. (Read our heatwave survival guide for a life hack on beating chubby rub)

10. Flip flops - Lose your footing for a second and the toe bar comes out leaving you shoeless. Not before trying to rip your foot in half first of course.

11. Salad guilt - You can't have stodgy hot food like burger, scouse and pizza in summer it just doesn't feel right. You should be eating colourful salads with pomegranate and mango in - except you don't want that. You want winter food and you feel guilty because you're not eating salad 24/7.

12. WTF do you wear? - Is the outfit you've picked out too short? Too revealing? Will you be too hot? Too cold? What if it rains? Is it too dressy? Will your boss be ok with it? Summer fashion is a minefield.

13. Summer dresses - One over-enthusiastic gust of wind (if you visit the Pier Head, the gusts are really enthusiastic by the way) and your thong clad bum is exposed to the world.

14. Crop tops - Why doe every shop only stock cropped tops? What about the people who like to eat food? Are we destined to breathe in all summer and never chance sitting down? The fat rolls, oh the fat rolls.

15. Hayfever - If you don't have it count yourself very lucky while the rest of us feel like we're fighting a war with an invisible enemy. And they have tear gas. You don't know meeern, you don't know.

summer expectation

16. Sleepless nights - It's roasting; the windows are open, you have no blanket and a fan just circulating warm air round the room and yet there you are covered in sweat and lying awake wondering whether you could justify an air con unit based on cost per usage over the next 20 years. 

17. Festival dicks - Lad it's August, take the fucking Glastonbury wristband off, no ones arsed.

18. Boring snapchats - You thought people playing a 10 second snap of their car radio with whatever's in the top 40 at the moment was bad? Try getting 83 snapchats in a row of the current temperature EVERY single time there's a hot day. Zzzzz.

19. Your liver - There's something about summer that turns us all into raging alcoholics

20. Misleading sunglasses - Lads look fit in sunglasses, especially aviators. What happens when the lad you've been flirting with all day takes them off and he has weird piggy eyes? It happens and it's gutting.

Fuck off summer.

XOXO

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