Why the ending of Bridget Jones' Baby is horseshit. (Contains Spoilers)

Posted On: 04/10/2016

By: Scouse Bird

BEFORE YOU GO ANY FURTHER - IF YOU DON'T WANT THE ENDING OF THE NEW BRIDGET JONES FILM SPOILING THEN PLEASE STOP READING.

Believe it or not, the fact that I had to pay £12.25 for a standard ticket wasn't the most disappointing thing about my visit to the Odeon recently or, as a follower on Instagram said, it wasn't even that for that price my seat wasn't on Patrick Dempsey's face. It wasn't even the realisation that I'd turned into a proper full blown 'Ma' by bringing my own popcorn "I'm not paying those bloody prices" instead of buying Odeon's gold plated snacks (I assume they're gold plated and come with a free Mercedes for what they charge - £8 for one of those mini bottles of prosecco that give you 1 glass. Are you fucking messin Odeon?).

SPOILERS... THEY'RE COMING. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

It was the fact that even though I've gone through the whole of young adulthood and Reneé Zellweger has gone through a whole new face since the last film, Bridget Jones the character hasn't wised up at all. She hasn't learnt from any of her mistakes. She's still shit at choosing men.

The premise of the film is that she shags Jack (Patrick 'McDreamy' Dempsey) at a festival and then her ex fella Mark Darcy a week later (Who's married by the way - Yes Bridget, he loves you so much that since the last film you broke up and he married someone else. Not you, someone else.) She finds out she's pregnant and doesn't know who the father is. In the end it turns out to be Mark's baby and he gets divorced and they get married blah blah blah but let me tell you why she made a shitty life choice right there.

Look - compared to Dempsey, Darcy looks like a creepy older uncle.

Jack Vs Mark

1. You could argue that Mark Darcy is good looking but he was never as handsome as Daniel Cleaver and certainly can't hold a candle to Jack. DEMPSEY IS FITTER THAN FIRTH.

2. Mark is a well off barrister who works all the fucking time and I'm sure would happily bore Bridget to death about human right and politics which she clearly has zero interest in. Jack is a dot com BILLIONAIRE who wouldn't even need to work - he wrote a dating algorithm and now he can sit back and bask in his money and glory. Bridget you stupid cow, you could have been kicking back in a New York penthosue by now.

3. Jack's 97% compatible with Bridget compared to Mark's 8%. For a reason; they're a really cute couple.

4. Mark's idea of romance is throwing his phone out the window while Bridget is in labour - Bridget you broke up with him because you have nothing in common and he was on his phone working throughout every date you ever went on, do you really think one pointless gesture means he's changed? Come the fuck on Bridget and wake up. Jack however, upon learning she was pregnant after one shag, went full romance and squeezed all the dates that they'd missed out on into one massively romantic gesture - He'd thought of a shared history including flowers, first fights, meals etc, he'd really put a lot of thought and effort into trying to woo her. And I can't even get a text back.

5. While the whole plot of film no.1 one was based around 'Does Mark even like me?' Jack was sure of his feelings from day one - he fought for her, he painted the nursery for her, he asked her to move in with him (something which Mark had clearly never done during their relationship as she was still in her same tiny flat) whereas Mark is a closed book. Oh in fact no he isn't, he ignored you all the way through your relationship, made you feel lonely and stupid and MARRIED SOMEONE ELSE Bridget - in fact, now you're married I'd check Tinder, cos he's probably still on it; swiping right on boring Tory types while you watch TOWIE and play with the baby.

Listen Helen Fielding - going back to exes isn't cute and doesn't wash with readers and film-goers when she's been treated like shit in the past and the self respecting thing for Bridget to do would have been to say "Sorry Mark, you had your chance, I've upgraded, watch me have a boss life without you." rather than go crawling back to him on some flimsy notion that they were meant to be after all - looking at you too Carrie and Big. Nostalgia is no basis for a relationship.

Maybe all that Botox has melted Bridget's brain or maybe she's just always been, and always will be, a stupid cow. It's just kind of disheartening that a character who became the poster child for women who don't have their shit together, never really got her shit together.

Team Dempsey.

XOXO

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