High Street fashion - Why you hate pregnant women?

Posted On: 14/04/2016

By: Scouse Bird

Being pregnant is an exciting, wonderful thing (allegedly). Well, having children is wonderful but the pregnancy itself can be more than a bit problematic. One of the good things though is the knowledge than you're not going to have to suck your gut in for the best part of a year and from around month 5-6 onwards you're going to have a cute little bump to dress in cute little maternity clothes. 

Then you go on your first maternity shopping trip and realise with horror that high street retailers actually hate pregnant women. They must do, it's the only explanation.

The evidence

Firstly there's the fact that maternity sections are usually furthest away from the entrance, upstairs probably, hidden way out of sight in a darkened corner (along with the plus size collections) and where all the rejected clothes from the last 10 seasons go to die. Is this where we belong? I feel like I should have someone chasing after me with a bell yelling "For shame!"

The second issue with location is that it's furthest away from the entrance - I don't know about other pregnant women but I only have to walk 10 feet before the balls of my feet feel like I've pulled an all nighter dancing in G-Bar in 6 inch heels. Please give us a break! Don't make it so hard to find and access.

Then there's the maternity bras - style and sizing. They're the ugliest things you've ever seen in your life and granted they are best suited to form over function but the only real difference to your common or garden bra is a detachable flappy bit... can we not stick a bit of lace or satin or animal print on them please? Just tart them up a bit? And why is there always an abundance of A cups?? We may start out as A cups but we certainly aren't by the end of it. In fact if the average non-preggo UK bra size is 36DD as a starting point then high street, you need to realise that the alphabet doesn't stop at C, no matter what your range of maternity bras say.

What are you smiling for bitch? Your bra is vile.

Then there's the choice. Why do you assume that once we're pregnant and/or become mothers that all fashion sense goes out the window? Ladies if you're newly pregnant and reading this and you haven't been maternity shopping yet then unless you're a huge fan of stripey tops and novelty slogan t-shirts then you're going to be disappointed. 

It's long been accepted that horizontal stripes make you looks bigger so why does the high street want to dress women who already feel and look the size of a giant yoga ball in nothing but stripes? And one 'hands off the bump' t-shirt is MORE than enough per pregnancy, we don't need them in a range of fonts and colours thanks. Is there any particular reason that you can't take a handful of the current season range and just make a maternity version? Please? We'll be wearing them for at least a whole season anyway... pregnancy lasts for the best part of a year and I've worn my mat clothes way more often than I usually wear anything else so it makes sense.

stripey tops maternity

And all the above is on the assumption that the retailer in question even HAS a maternity range to begin with. I mean we could just 'buy bigger sizes' but then they end up fitting the rest of our body like an 8 man tent and by the end when the baby 'drops' you're left with half a belly sticking out the bottom because maternity lyf is not what 'bigger sizes' or 'plus size ranges' were designed for.

The point is, we don't cease to be ourselves when we make the decision to start a family. It's hard enough not being able to drink or eat pâtè or have botox, please don't take our fashion away too. We have a name, an identity and a sense of personal style and aren't just human ovens.


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