20 thoughts that go through your head on your first day back at work after a holiday
Posted On: 07/09/2016
By: Taran Bassi
So you’ve touched down after a week of being on holiday and the first thing you think about (apart from grabbing a McDonald’s for the ride home) is why does the holiday have to end?
As this sets in you can’t help but majorly spiral downwards in emotions as you realise that this is the worst thing that has happened to you ever. Even more tragic that not winning last night’s dancing competition to win a complimentary fishbowl.
The icing on this shit situation is the fact that you have work tomorrow, and here’s how your first day back will surely go.
1. 6.45am - Alarm goes off - FUCK! Why is this my life? Why am I not being woken up by a boner in my back from the fittie from last night? Or the beach hut blasting ‘Sexy Bitch?!’
2. I should just snooze. I have at least five minutes that I can snooze for, because I have a tan. A tan requires no make up so I’m good for a cheeky snooze.
3. Why do I even need to get out of bed? Why can’t the office just adopt a flexi working approach and that way I could totes manage my job from a deck chair whilst getting smashed on Piña Coladas?
4. *Makes mental note to raise this flexi working request with HR*
5. Erm, where have these awful tan lines come from? *put sexy dress back in the wardrobe* normal work shirt it is.
6. I’ve been in the office for 7 minutes and not a single person has commented on my sexy tan. Jealous bitches. I knew I should have worn shades to the office to block all the HATERZ.
7. Right, time to open up the old email inbox and see what I couldn’t be arsed to do before holiday and now will have to put out the mountain of calamity it’s caused.
8. Oh right, 1000+ emails. Oh okay, I’ve missed 7 birthdays. Which means I’ve missed seven rounds of cake. Well isn’t this just a fucking buzz kill.
9. Why does everyone keep asking me where my holiday treats are? Must keep up the lie that pickpockets stole my purse on the way to the airport. Not that I was so hungover that I ate all the chocolates to avoid vomiting all over myself.
10. Eurgh! This day is so depressing *opens Groupon app to search for another holiday*
11. There’s that cute guy from Finance, actually he looks like right munter now. Nuffin’ like the lads from holiday.
12. I wonder what (insert name of holiday romance) is doing right now. Oh wait, probably shagging some girl. That wanker.
13. WHY DOES THE STAFF CANTEEN NOT HAVE MALIBU?
14. Time for a pep talk in toilets to yourself. Get yourself together, work super hard, get that promotion and you can easily afford two holidays a year. You can do this.
15. 6 minutes later – starts reading travel blogs and convinces self that travelling the world with current overdraft and a vagina prone to constant cystitis is a feasible idea.
16. Checks Skyscanner/ STA Travel *heart breaks*
17. Is it acceptable to bullshit to my manager that I’m in the early stages of suspected malaria and need to go home for the rest of the day. But actually go home, take off my bra and watch a bit of Jezza?
18. I need to be free. I’m not made for the office. I need to roam free, get drunk and live by the sea.
19. Why has my holiday romance text me to say he’s got Chlamydia? FUCK! Does this mean I have it as well?
20. Why is it only 9.17am? I need a STI test, and another holiday.