Scouse Bird Problems – 8 Common Misconceptions About Women

August 5, 2015

Posted On: 02/08/2015

By: Chloe Webster

Pillow fights at sleepovers

Firstly, no one has sleepovers over the age of 13. The only reason your mate stays over will be after a heavy night on the sauce and you need someone to hold your hair back whilst you hug the toilet bowl. Also you’ll need someone to pretend to be your mum so they can call in sick for you the following morning.

Being braless in public

Unfortunately, this is not to entice the eye of a male. We’ve probably just had a spray tan done and don’t want a nasty thick white line left where a bra would normally lie. We didn’t just pay £20 for a slice of St Tropez to come out looking like a stripy fruit pastel ice lolly. Don’t get too excited.

Being beeped/ or wolf whistled at

We understand that you appreciate the female form but when builders are shouting down from scaffolding asking you to show them where you urinate from, it doesn’t exactly impress us. Not one woman has ever been beeped at and thought.. you know what, yeah let me jump in your boy racer car and you can whisk me away and treat me like the princess I am. It just doesn’t happen sorry.

We aren’t smooth dolphin like creatures

Before leaving the house we will only shave the bits that will be on show. Our ankles may silky smooth but under our current collection Topshop maxi dress, the rest of our leg will resemble that of King Kong on a bad day.

We don’t spend our hard earned cash on expensive make up to please men

We do it to get compliments from girls who we become temporary bezzie/soul mates with in the toilets on a night out, and will never see again.

We don’t wear leggings/yoga pants to catch the eye of a male

We wear them because (1) they are black and insanely slimming (2) the comfiest things on the face of the earth and (3) are increasingly becoming more acceptable to wear as trousers in public.

If we dislike another female, don’t jump to the conclusion that we must be jealous

Stop trying to pit females against each other. Sometimes we just don’t like some people it really is as simple as that. The whole world doesn’t revolve around the concept of women hating each other because they are deemed as a threat to each other for the attention of men.

All we care about is a guy with money and a nice car

WRONG – We females are complex creatures and we need more than a few quid and a tidy car on the drive to get us going. If you moan that “nice guys always come last” because you’ve got some gym head with a knock off Rolex as competition, maybe make more of an effort. Throw a good suit on (and no, not a baggy one from the sale rack at Asda) and bring something mentally stimulating to the table. Basically whack on some Vintage Shania Twain (That don’t impressaaa mee much) and you’ll understand everything you need to know about women.